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Middle Class White Boy Blues

by Andrew London

Come in, get a drink, take a seat at your table try not to make too much noise & sit still if you're able I'm sure we're gonna all get on fine woulda been nice if you'd a made it on time I don't mean to bite, I'll be feeling all right if I could just get the top off this wine Don't laugh, don't cough, only sneeze if you gotta There'll be time to applaud at the end and I know that you'll wanna and if you really got to go to the john try not to flush till I finish this song, have fun if it kills you, enjoy yourself or get out You know I don't come here just for your amusement you should be grateful we could be bothered at all We could easily go some place else you’d all be sat here by yourselfs Be glad that we’re here let me make it quite clear It’s all for your cultural health You’re there, I’m here, I’m the artist remember I don’t care what you want, gonna play what I think you should hear and I don’t wanna hear your requests just remember, I know what’s best Have fun if it kills you, enjoy yourself or get out. you know, I don’t come here, just for your amusement I played with some real big names honey don't you forget If you don’t like the sound of my voice just be grateful that you got a choice you got nothing to lose, put yourself in my shoes I got no-one to look at but youse Come in, get a drink, take a seat at your table try not to make too much noise & sit still if you're able It’s nice we could be here for you just remember, whatever you do Have fun if it kills you, enjoy yourself or get out, Only gonna tell you once, Have fun if it kills you, enjoy yourself or get out, you don’t know how lucky you are, Have fun if it kills you, enjoy yourself or get out.
So nice to see you, how you been? It's been a year or two I've heard you're doing famously at whatever it is you do me? I’m just fantastic, so nice of you to ask we got this conversation back on track at last... You must have heard I got that job in the advertising game you won't believe how much I earn, but I'm still just the same Sure I go to San Francisco and the Cote d'Azure on biz and all my friends are famous or they know someone who is Let's talk about me. I'm much more interesting than you Let's talk about me. My life is fabulous it's true Let's talk about me. It's something that you all should do That's enough about me, let's talk about you What do you think about me? So tell me, how’s the band and how’s that little town you settled in? I can’t remember what it’s called, let’s all have another gin and I’ll tell you how I met the All Black captain just last week and maybe then you’ll get a chance to speak, or not So nice to see you, how you been? It's been a year or two I've heard you're doing swimmingly at whatever it is you do me I'm just fantastic, well the Prozac helps a bit and it's only when I stop I realise I'm talking... Shall we talk about me?
Now I know that it's important for the status one can get to drive a motor vehicle that gives an accurate reflection of the rung that one inhabits on the ladder of success A badge of one's accomplishment no less And every model citizen should naturally aspire to own the biggest SUV that one can possibly acquire in order that one's family can ride around much higher than the commoners and peasants on the street I know they chew a lot of gas but apathy's the middle classes' stock response to inconvenient facts And even though they tend to roll there's usually a passing prole glad to break your fall and stop the paintwork getting scratched But I'm a man of modest means I can't afford the big machines the ones that rove and cruise across the land, and I could be as happy as a strawberry in a pav If I could only have a Rav A Rav is not so ostentatious which, although disadvantageous when one is intent on demonstrating one's contempt for those who obviously haven't tried as hard as p'raps they ought it does display one's status and importance And if I fit a ski rack and some bull bars on the grill pretend I'm on Safari charging out across the Veldt amongst the hedges and the cul-de-sacs of Wadestown after dark The Indiana Jones of Churton Park I doubt that I'll, it must be said, be driving up a river bed pursuing wildebeest or wild bighorn the closest it will ever go to crashing through the undergrowth is when the weather's sunny and I park it on the lawn So though I'll soon or later need an equipment compensator for now I think I'll stick within my rut, but I could be as happy as a toothpick in a sav If I could only have a Rav
Dumb Me Down 03:34
Two Words 02:24
Good evening Sir I’m sorry, but it’s difficult to chat while I’m singing and I’m playing this guitar so I’m already multi-tasking and in asking me to join in conversation really is a bridge too far If you’ll just wait until we’re finished I can give my full attention to the crisis that so obviously preys upon your deeply troubled mind, or so your wild gesticulations and distorted facial grimaces imply Well all right I have a moment can you tell me what it is that on my advice your happiness depends from your slightly awkward gait and your inebriated state should one surmise you need immediate directions to the mens’? Oh I see that’s not the problem just you’d like to let us know you think the repertoire we’re playing’s not quite right I’m surprised that you can offer such a wry and perspicacious observation given how much Lion Red you’ve had tonight. I understand you like Metallica and AC/DC too and it’s so nice you feel obliged to come and share this point of view but I’m afraid we’re not that kind of band, we’re playing this, you see as requested by the bride and groom whose generosity you are strip mining while opining that their choice of music suck well I’ve only got two words for you and one of them is ‘off’ Can I ask you were you happy with the catering tonight did you complain about the entree, was the steak done how you like? Did you offer some suggestions to the barman? Really? No? If you’d prefer a dryer Martinborough Pinot he should know So you agree if would be rude and inappropriate to whine about the couple’s choice of venue, and the menu, and the wine yet you think it’s quite OK to come and slag the music off as you stagger round and gorge like some aristocratic toff on all the beer that you can guzzle and the wine that you can quaff I’ve only got two words for you and one of them isn’t ‘off’.
Party of One 03:20
I'm having a party of one celebratin' your leaving & while you're out there grieving I'll be having so much fun Gonna buy me a bottle of wine sitting in my kitchen I'll be working on ditchin' all of those dreams of mine gonna send no invitations, got no cards or calls to make I ain't gonna hang no sign out at my gate Gonna draw my blinds on all of my windows gonna turn the lights down low & tell myself I'm gonna be OK as soon as I drink these blues away It's a party of one try to think about something else, and I'll play me some more of those Willie Nelson songs again
1. As a father I'd be less than pleased if Frank Sinatra ever sleazed in past my door We love his voice but he could not be woice as a choice of future son -in-law regrets, I've had a few, but I'd sure get a kick from you if you could give him one from me, that would be swell then we could start spreading the news, that he'd be soon learnin' the blues cos we can get along without him very well 2. I wouldn't mind at all if Humphrey Bogart came to call with all his Rat Pack mates Dean Martin, Sammy Davis in my view would be OK vis-a-vis daughter dates but the crooning and the swooning, all that fly me to the mooning would so soon begin to get under my skin and so I don't care if he makes it in New York or in Sumatra. I'd never let my daughter out with Frank Sinatra 3. With Elvis we'd be overjoyed he's such a good God-fearing boy, tho he could eat less pie and Engleburt could come & flirt, provided he was single, certain rules apply Tony Bennett, please, we love that nice and easy does it and he left his heart in San Francisco Bay so he'd represent no danger, unlike that certain stranger in the night who won't stop singing Night & Day 4. well everybody says 'that's life' but how d'ya turn down Mack the Knife when he's knocking at your door and asking for your daughter's hand, backed noisily by Basie's band with Nelson Riddle's score and if she's smart, she'd run a mile at just the shadow of his smile and luck would be a lady from that moment on and so I don't care if his kinda town's Chicago or old Chinatown, I'm never lettin' her out with Frank Sinatra 5. Inst (Something stupid) and if he said come fly with me, we'd lie awake until the wee small hours of the morning meet that foggy day But it won't happen anyway, in Monterey or in Sumatra, cos I'd never let my daughter out what's that doobedoobedoo about? I'd never let my daughter out, and put that hat on straight you lout No matter if I lived in old New York or in Sumatra I'd never let my daughter out with Frank Sinatra
Apppliances 02:46
well you know about cards and you know about dice So how come you just can’t play nice You don’t play fair and you don’t play by the rules I know you like to win and I know you like to cheat things don’t go your way you just can’t take the heat You don’t play fair and you don’t play by the rules I guess somebody somewhere must have told you it’s OK You can play it any way you please Sure not gonna beg, but I ain’t gonna stick around you had your chance & let me down’ Im packin’ up & leaving town Gave you second chances and I think I’ve had enough you know about lots of stuff but you don’t know much about love You don’t play fair and you don’t play by the rules
Emily Bay 03:50
Johnny was a wild one, got sent down seven years hard in Sydney Town Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay Elizabeth cried on the dock , says he, 'You're a good girl, Lizzie, don't you wait for me' Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay Johnny was a thief, he was quicker than some got caught with a bottle of the captain's rum and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay Judge said 'I can turn a hard man around you can do your time out in Kingston Town Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay Johnny said ' well you can cut a chain for me,  but I'll curse your eyes till the day that I'm free Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay Johnny took a hundred till the blood ran black and the chaplain said 'That's a dead man's back' blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay Jackie said 'Now Brother come along with me, gonna kill me a copper been a worryin' me Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay Johnny said 'well Jack I been a thinkin' just the same and they got three more before the soldiers came Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay The Commandant said 'You're gonna hang this morn, and England's sorry that you ever been born blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay Johnny was a wild one, got sent down he never did a year in Kingston Town Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay Elizabeth cried on the day she read He was thrown in a hole, not a prayer was said Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay And on the Murderers' Mound you can hear his plea: 'You're a good girl Lizzie don't you wait for me' blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
1. My Daughter’s got a boyfriend, not particularly blessed with intellect, it seems he still has trouble getting dressed His trouser legs are frayed, he wears them half way down his bum Sometimes we yell out ‘Fire’ just to watch him try and run ‘Try harder, Dear’ my wife says; ‘Try bonding with this lout’ So I loosen up my belt and let my Y-fronts flap about. My daughter’s got a boyfriend and we like to shoot the breeze Two good old home boys rapping with our trousers round our knees. 2. My Daughter’s got a boyfriend and he speaks a strange argot a peculiar sort of English, not a dialect I know ‘Yo, ‘ssup’ he says, and I agree the interest rate is high and I offer him a drink he seems a chatty sort of guy ‘Rad’ he says, ‘Why sure’ says I, ‘This merlot’s hard to beat’ ;Cher’ Bro’ he says, and so of course I offer him a seat. My daughter’s got a boyfriend and we get along just fine He doesn’t speak much English but he seems to know his wine 3. My daughter’s got a boyfriend so I’m learning about the young He’s got an earring in his nostril and a cuff link through his tongue The nuts and bolts in each eyebrow do wonders for his grin and a little chain connects each ear to a corkscrew in his chin. I don’t mind his appearance but it does alarm my wife he resembles nothing quite so much as a big Swiss army knife My daughter’s got a boyfriend, and once we tune him in on a clear night we can pick up 2XS from Palmerston My daughter’s got a boyfriend,a magnetic sort of chap I suppose that if she dumps him we can sell him off for scrap
Well I would like to be a blues man but I don't live a blues man's life Yes I would like to be a blues man but I don't live a blues man's life but I got a good job in the city and a faithfull dog & wife 2. I don't drink no rotgut whiskey prefer a Hawkes Bay Pinot Gris don't ride a freight train to Chicago no jar of moonshine on my knee When I catch the unit up to Paekak I take a thermos full of tea.... Bridge Yes I woke up late this evening to find nobody been gone & done me wrong I had to ask my wife to leave me just so as I could write this song 3. I got a five-bedroom house in Brooklyn That's an Audi in the drive I got apartments down on the waterfront from which some income is derived I got a mid life crisis looming thank God my Harley just arrived Bridge 2. Told the Devil down at the crossroads 'Man, you can have my soul today' He said ‘well I guess I may as well, son you sure don't use it when you play’ 4. I would like to be a bluesman but I don't wear no blues man's shoes yes I would like to be a bluesman but I ain't paid no bluesman's dues I just don’t have enough to moan about Got those Middle Class White Boy Blues.
Welcome to your wedding, we're so happy to be here a point or two on which we'd like you to be absolutely clear though it's a special day for you, for us I think it's number eight hundred and two now if you read the small print in the contract that you've got you'll find a list of what we'll play and also one of what we'll not and you'll find 'Wonderful Tonight', Dave Dobbyn's 'Loyal' and 'The Gambler' right on top We're much too loud for Aunty mabel so you've sat her right up front, of course she's bound to be offended at my lyrical discourse if 'I Can't get no satisfaction' brings her palpitations back then 'your body is a wonderland may well induce a fatal heart attack so welcome to your wedding , it's the nicest that we've done, of course your friends are so sophisticated, gosh I liked the one the best man told about the bridegroom and the blow-up doll he really looks like fun and all these splendid folk on whom you lavish hospitality consume your chardonnay from Cloudy Bay, your pate from paris but for all that they'll appreciate it may as well be catfood and DB and if your hairy teenage nephew helps himself to my guitar you'll hear a loud explosion, see the lights do dim behind the bar and in the contract you will notice we're indemnified for claims regarding injuries arising from my wiring it directly to the mains so welcome to your wedding I was reading in the news two out of three of course ends in divorce before the year is through so have a lovely wedding day, oh I forgot to ask you when do we get paid?
The pace of life is getting faster, every day I turn around it’s past I don’t know what to do, I get myself in quite a stew and Nothing seems the way that it once was...I’m feeling out of place and it’s because..... I can’t keep up I can’t keep up. My friends don’t call me anymore they never knock upon my door they text me, it’s terrific, but they write in hieroglyphics and I reckon I could bake a Shepherd’s Pie; In half the time it takes me to reply I can’t keep up. They laugh at me & tell me that the Internet is where it’s at they blog it and they tweet it, they get spam- I spose they eat it and they say I need to Book a Twit in Space and put a Tube of Google on my Face I can’t keep up The world is going crazy I feel old and obsolete I don’t recognise the characters on Coronation Street I can’t keep up I can’t keep up There’s email and there’s gmail, I get hotmail from a shemale and a nice chap from Nigeria who’s going to make me seriously rich, I sent my password yesterday But now the bank declined my VISA card today.... I can’t keep up I can’t keep up I went to tape a TV show last night, I tried all my remote controls but I can’t make it work, and then my neighbour, what a jerk was at my door in just his dressing gown complaining that his garage door keeps going up and down I can’t keep up They world is going crazy and I don’t know where I’m at Dr Who is getting younger, Captain Kirk is getting fat I can’t keep up I Can’t Keep Up I Can’t Keep Up


Almost a 'most requested' collection. About half these songs were first recorded by Hot Club Sandwich, one by the Cattlestops, and the remainder are new original songs by Andrew London or Nils Olsen (Dumb Me Down). The recordings are instrumentally sparse, most featuring just guitar (Andrew London), bass (Kirsten London) and either sax or clarinet (Nils Olsen). Stylistically most are in the jazz/swing tradition, with an occasional nod towards Country (Party of One, You Don't Play By The Rules, Emily Bay). Many are lyrically satirical or comedic with elements of social comment as the titles suggest.


released June 1, 2013

All songs by Andrew London Except 'Dumb Me Down by Nils Olsen
Andrew London: guitar & vox
Kirsten London: bass & BVs
Nils Olsen: sax/flute/clarinet & BVs (lead vox on 'Dumb Me Down')

Recorded at Matrix Digital Studios April 2013.
Engineered by Phill Adams and Troy Leamy
Cover Design by Anje Glindemann


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Andrew London New Zealand

New Zealand singer/songwriter of mainly (but not exclusively) satirical original songs in a mainly (but not exclusively) 1940s swing genre.

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