Get all 9 Andrew London releases available on Bandcamp and save 15%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Get Back To Work!, A Live Concert, Standard Deviations, Let's Take Offence!, So Many Tracks, Let's Have Friends Around For Dinner, Live at The Bent Horseshoe, Ladies a Plate, and 1 more.
1. |
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Come in, get a drink, take a seat at your table
try not to make too much noise & sit still if you're able
I'm sure we're gonna all get on fine
woulda been nice if you'd a made it on time
I don't mean to bite, I'll be feeling all right if I could just get the top off this wine
Don't laugh, don't cough, only sneeze if you gotta
There'll be time to applaud at the end and I know that you'll wanna
and if you really got to go to the john
try not to flush till I finish this song, have fun if it kills you, enjoy yourself or get out
You know I don't come here just for your amusement
you should be grateful we could be bothered at all
We could easily go some place else
you’d all be sat here by yourselfs
Be glad that we’re here let me make it quite clear
It’s all for your cultural health
You’re there, I’m here, I’m the artist remember
I don’t care what you want, gonna play what I think you should hear
and I don’t wanna hear your requests
just remember, I know what’s best
Have fun if it kills you, enjoy yourself or get out.
you know, I don’t come here, just for your amusement
I played with some real big names honey don't you forget
If you don’t like the sound of my voice
just be grateful that you got a choice
you got nothing to lose, put yourself in my shoes
I got no-one to look at but youse
Come in, get a drink, take a seat at your table
try not to make too much noise & sit still if you're able
It’s nice we could be here for you
just remember, whatever you do
Have fun if it kills you, enjoy yourself or get out,
Only gonna tell you once,
Have fun if it kills you, enjoy yourself or get out,
you don’t know how lucky you are,
Have fun if it kills you, enjoy yourself or get out.
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2. |
Let's Talk About Me
02:31
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So nice to see you, how you been? It's been a year or two
I've heard you're doing famously at whatever it is you do
me? I’m just fantastic, so nice of you to ask
we got this conversation back on track at last...
You must have heard I got that job in the advertising game
you won't believe how much I earn, but I'm still just the same
Sure I go to San Francisco and the Cote d'Azure on biz
and all my friends are famous or they know someone who is
Let's talk about me. I'm much more interesting than you
Let's talk about me. My life is fabulous it's true
Let's talk about me. It's something that you all should do
That's enough about me, let's talk about you
What do you think about me?
So tell me, how’s the band and how’s that little town you settled in?
I can’t remember what it’s called, let’s all have another gin
and I’ll tell you how I met the All Black captain just last week
and maybe then you’ll get a chance to speak, or not
So nice to see you, how you been? It's been a year or two
I've heard you're doing swimmingly at whatever it is you do
me I'm just fantastic, well the Prozac helps a bit
and it's only when I stop I realise I'm talking...
Shall we talk about me?
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3. |
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Now I know that it's important for the status one can get
to drive a motor vehicle that gives an accurate reflection of the rung that one inhabits on the ladder of success
A badge of one's accomplishment no less
And every model citizen should naturally aspire
to own the biggest SUV that one can possibly acquire
in order that one's family can ride around much higher
than the commoners and peasants on the street
I know they chew a lot of gas but apathy's the middle classes'
stock response to inconvenient facts
And even though they tend to roll there's usually a passing prole
glad to break your fall and stop the paintwork getting scratched
But I'm a man of modest means I can't afford the big machines
the ones that rove and cruise across the land, and
I could be as happy as a strawberry in a pav
If I could only have a Rav
A Rav is not so ostentatious which, although disadvantageous
when one is intent on demonstrating one's contempt
for those who obviously haven't tried as hard as p'raps they ought
it does display one's status and importance
And if I fit a ski rack and some bull bars on the grill
pretend I'm on Safari charging out across the Veldt
amongst the hedges and the cul-de-sacs of Wadestown after dark
The Indiana Jones of Churton Park
I doubt that I'll, it must be said, be driving up a river bed
pursuing wildebeest or wild bighorn
the closest it will ever go to crashing through the undergrowth
is when the weather's sunny and I park it on the lawn
So though I'll soon or later need an equipment compensator
for now I think I'll stick within my rut, but
I could be as happy as a toothpick in a sav
If I could only have a Rav
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4. |
Dumb Me Down
03:34
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5. |
Two Words
02:24
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Good evening Sir I’m sorry, but it’s difficult to chat
while I’m singing and I’m playing this guitar
so I’m already multi-tasking and in asking me to join in conversation really is a bridge too far
If you’ll just wait until we’re finished I can give my full attention to the crisis that so obviously preys
upon your deeply troubled mind, or so your wild gesticulations and distorted facial grimaces imply
Well all right I have a moment can you tell me what it is
that on my advice your happiness depends
from your slightly awkward gait and your inebriated state should one surmise you need immediate directions to the mens’?
Oh I see that’s not the problem just you’d like to let us know you think the repertoire we’re playing’s not quite right
I’m surprised that you can offer such a wry and perspicacious observation given how much Lion Red you’ve had tonight.
I understand you like Metallica and AC/DC too and it’s so nice you feel obliged to come and share this point of view
but I’m afraid we’re not that kind of band, we’re playing this, you see
as requested by the bride and groom whose generosity
you are strip mining while opining that their choice of music suck
well I’ve only got two words for you and one of them is ‘off’
Can I ask you were you happy with the catering tonight
did you complain about the entree, was the steak done how you like?
Did you offer some suggestions to the barman? Really? No?
If you’d prefer a dryer Martinborough Pinot he should know
So you agree if would be rude and inappropriate to whine
about the couple’s choice of venue, and the menu, and the wine
yet you think it’s quite OK to come and slag the music off
as you stagger round and gorge like some aristocratic toff
on all the beer that you can guzzle and the wine that you can quaff
I’ve only got two words for you and one of them isn’t ‘off’.
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6. |
Party of One
03:20
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I'm having a party of one
celebratin' your leaving
& while you're out there grieving
I'll be having so much fun
Gonna buy me a bottle of wine
sitting in my kitchen
I'll be working on ditchin'
all of those dreams of mine
gonna send no invitations,
got no cards or calls to make
I ain't gonna hang no sign out at my gate
Gonna draw my blinds on all of my windows
gonna turn the lights down low
& tell myself I'm gonna be OK as soon as I drink these blues away
It's a party of one
try to think about something else, and I'll
play me some more of those Willie Nelson
songs again
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7. |
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1.
As a father I'd be less than pleased if Frank Sinatra ever sleazed in past my door
We love his voice but he could not be woice as a choice of future son -in-law
regrets, I've had a few, but I'd sure get a kick from you
if you could give him one from me, that would be swell
then we could start spreading the news, that he'd be soon learnin' the blues
cos we can get along without him very well
2.
I wouldn't mind at all if Humphrey Bogart came to call with all his Rat Pack mates
Dean Martin, Sammy Davis in my view would be OK vis-a-vis daughter dates
but the crooning and the swooning, all that fly me to the
mooning would so soon begin to get under my skin
and so I don't care if he makes it in New York or in Sumatra. I'd
never let my daughter out with Frank Sinatra
3.
With Elvis we'd be overjoyed he's such a good God-fearing boy, tho he could eat less pie
and Engleburt could come & flirt, provided he was single, certain rules apply
Tony Bennett, please, we love that nice and easy does it
and he left his heart in San Francisco Bay
so he'd represent no danger, unlike that certain stranger
in the night who won't stop singing Night & Day
4. well everybody says 'that's life' but how d'ya turn down Mack the Knife when he's knocking at your door
and asking for your daughter's hand, backed noisily by Basie's band with Nelson Riddle's score
and if she's smart, she'd run a mile at just the shadow of his smile and luck would be a lady from that moment on
and so I don't care if his kinda town's Chicago or old Chinatown,
I'm never lettin' her out with Frank Sinatra
5.
Inst (Something stupid)
and if he said come fly with me, we'd lie awake until the wee small hours of the morning meet that foggy day
But it won't happen anyway, in Monterey or in Sumatra, cos I'd never let my daughter out
what's that doobedoobedoo about?
I'd never let my daughter out, and put that hat on straight you lout
No matter if I lived in old New York or in Sumatra I'd never let my daughter out with Frank Sinatra
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8. |
Apppliances
02:46
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9. |
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well you know about cards and you know about dice
So how come you just can’t play nice
You don’t play fair and you don’t play by the rules
I know you like to win and I know you like to cheat
things don’t go your way you just can’t take the heat
You don’t play fair and you don’t play by the rules
I guess somebody somewhere must have told you it’s OK
You can play it any way you please
Sure not gonna beg, but I ain’t gonna stick around
you had your chance & let me down’ Im packin’ up & leaving town
Gave you second chances and I think I’ve had enough
you know about lots of stuff but you don’t know much about love
You don’t play fair and you don’t play by the rules
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10. |
Emily Bay
03:50
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Johnny was a wild one, got sent down
seven years hard in Sydney Town
Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay
Elizabeth cried on the dock , says he,
'You're a good girl, Lizzie, don't you wait for me'
Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay
Johnny was a thief, he was quicker than some
got caught with a bottle of the captain's rum
and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
Judge said 'I can turn a hard man around
you can do your time out in Kingston Town
Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay
Johnny said ' well you can cut a chain for me,
but I'll curse your eyes till the day that I'm free
Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay
Johnny took a hundred till the blood ran black
and the chaplain said 'That's a dead man's back'
blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
Jackie said 'Now Brother come along with me,
gonna kill me a copper been a worryin' me
Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay
Johnny said 'well Jack I been a thinkin' just the same
and they got three more before the soldiers came
Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay
The Commandant said 'You're gonna hang this morn,
and England's sorry that you ever been born
blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
Johnny was a wild one, got sent down
he never did a year in Kingston Town
Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay
Elizabeth cried on the day she read
He was thrown in a hole, not a prayer was said
Tura-lura-lura-luralie-ay
And on the Murderers' Mound you can hear his plea:
'You're a good girl Lizzie don't you wait for me'
blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
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11. |
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1.
My Daughter’s got a boyfriend, not particularly blessed
with intellect, it seems he still has trouble getting dressed
His trouser legs are frayed, he wears them half way down his bum
Sometimes we yell out ‘Fire’ just to watch him try and run
‘Try harder, Dear’ my wife says; ‘Try bonding with this lout’
So I loosen up my belt and let my Y-fronts flap about.
My daughter’s got a boyfriend and we like to shoot the breeze
Two good old home boys rapping with our trousers round our knees.
2.
My Daughter’s got a boyfriend and he speaks a strange argot
a peculiar sort of English, not a dialect I know
‘Yo, ‘ssup’ he says, and I agree the interest rate is high
and I offer him a drink he seems a chatty sort of guy
‘Rad’ he says, ‘Why sure’ says I, ‘This merlot’s hard to beat’
;Cher’ Bro’ he says, and so of course I offer him a seat.
My daughter’s got a boyfriend and we get along just fine
He doesn’t speak much English but he seems to know his wine
3.
My daughter’s got a boyfriend so I’m learning about the young
He’s got an earring in his nostril and a cuff link through his tongue
The nuts and bolts in each eyebrow do wonders for his grin
and a little chain connects each ear to a corkscrew in his chin.
I don’t mind his appearance but it does alarm my wife
he resembles nothing quite so much as a big Swiss army knife
My daughter’s got a boyfriend, and once we tune him in
on a clear night we can pick up 2XS from Palmerston
My daughter’s got a boyfriend,a magnetic sort of chap
I suppose that if she dumps him we can sell him off for scrap
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12. |
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Well I would like to be a blues man
but I don't live a blues man's life
Yes I would like to be a blues man
but I don't live a blues man's life
but I got a good job in the city
and a faithfull dog & wife
2.
I don't drink no rotgut whiskey
prefer a Hawkes Bay Pinot Gris
don't ride a freight train to Chicago
no jar of moonshine on my knee
When I catch the unit up to Paekak
I take a thermos full of tea....
Bridge
Yes I woke up late this evening
to find nobody been gone & done me wrong
I had to ask my wife to leave me
just so as I could write this song
3.
I got a five-bedroom house in Brooklyn
That's an Audi in the drive
I got apartments down on the waterfront
from which some income is derived
I got a mid life crisis looming
thank God my Harley just arrived
Bridge 2.
Told the Devil down at the crossroads
'Man, you can have my soul today'
He said ‘well I guess I may as well, son
you sure don't use it when you play’
4.
I would like to be a bluesman
but I don't wear no blues man's shoes
yes I would like to be a bluesman
but I ain't paid no bluesman's dues
I just don’t have enough to moan about
Got those Middle Class White Boy Blues.
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13. |
Welcome To Your Wedding
04:17
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Welcome to your wedding, we're so happy to be here
a point or two on which we'd like you to be absolutely clear
though it's a special day for you, for us I think it's number eight hundred and two
now if you read the small print in the contract that you've got
you'll find a list of what we'll play and also one of what we'll not
and you'll find 'Wonderful Tonight', Dave Dobbyn's 'Loyal' and 'The Gambler' right on top
We're much too loud for Aunty mabel so you've sat her right up front, of course
she's bound to be offended at my lyrical discourse
if 'I Can't get no satisfaction' brings her palpitations back
then 'your body is a wonderland
may well induce a fatal heart attack
so welcome to your wedding , it's the nicest that we've done, of course
your friends are so sophisticated, gosh I liked the one
the best man told about the bridegroom and the blow-up doll he really looks like fun
and all these splendid folk on whom you lavish hospitality
consume your chardonnay from Cloudy Bay, your pate from paris
but for all that they'll appreciate it may as well be catfood and DB
and if your hairy teenage nephew helps himself to my guitar
you'll hear a loud explosion, see the lights do dim behind the bar
and in the contract you will notice we're indemnified for claims regarding
injuries arising from my wiring it directly to the mains
so welcome to your wedding I was reading in the news
two out of three of course ends in divorce before the year is through
so have a lovely wedding day, oh I forgot to ask you when do we get paid?
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14. |
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15. |
I Can't Keep Up
01:49
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The pace of life is getting faster, every day I turn around it’s
past I don’t know what to do, I get myself in quite a stew and
Nothing seems the way that it once was...I’m feeling out of place and it’s because.....
I can’t keep up
I can’t keep up.
My friends don’t call me anymore they never knock upon my door
they text me, it’s terrific, but they write in hieroglyphics
and I reckon I could bake a Shepherd’s Pie; In half the time it takes me to reply
I can’t keep up.
They laugh at me & tell me that the Internet is where it’s at
they blog it and they tweet it, they get spam- I spose they eat it
and they say I need to Book a Twit in Space
and put a Tube of Google on my Face
I can’t keep up
The world is going crazy I feel old and obsolete
I don’t recognise the characters on Coronation Street
I can’t keep up
I can’t keep up
There’s email and there’s gmail, I get hotmail from a shemale
and a nice chap from Nigeria who’s going to make me seriously
rich, I sent my password yesterday
But now the bank declined my VISA card today....
I can’t keep up
I can’t keep up
I went to tape a TV show last night, I tried all my remote controls
but I can’t make it work, and then my neighbour, what a jerk
was at my door in just his dressing gown
complaining that his garage door keeps going up and down
I can’t keep up
They world is going crazy and I don’t know where I’m at
Dr Who is getting younger, Captain Kirk is getting fat
I can’t keep up
I Can’t Keep Up
I Can’t Keep Up
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Andrew London New Zealand
New Zealand singer/songwriter of mainly (but not exclusively) satirical original songs in a mainly (but not exclusively) 1940s swing genre.
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