Get all 9 Andrew London releases available on Bandcamp and save 15%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Get Back To Work!, A Live Concert, Standard Deviations, Let's Take Offence!, So Many Tracks, Let's Have Friends Around For Dinner, Live at The Bent Horseshoe, Ladies a Plate, and 1 more.
1. |
Stingray
04:12
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When I was just a young man in my prime, I plied the butcher’s trade
in a town called Nookumburra, with a guy called Ronnie Ray
But everyone who knew him called him Sting.
Stingray’d been a butcher 30 years or more by then
and accumulated nothing much, ‘least nothin’ that might pin
him down, but to hear him laugh, you’d think he was born a king
He said he’d never settled down, never had a spouse
he lived all alone in a little flat, at the back of a lady’s house
and once a week they’d share a matinee
He said that with a sideways wink and then went on to say
how the Nookumburra pub was only a hundred yards away
as if they’d built it down there just for him… he’d say
I’m laughin’, I’m bloody laughing
six white shirts and a set of knives
in me little flat, and as far as lives
go Buddy I reckon, I hold all the bids
I’m tellin’ ya boys, I wouldn’t be dead for quids
He’d work a longer shift than me, so he’d only do four days
out of a week where the rest of us’d do five to earn our pay
I’m a gentleman of leisure, he would say.
and you know we got no favours, as butchers in those days
offcuts for our dogs, the only perks that came our way
I’ll show you boys a trick, says old Stingray
Takes his bag of dogchops, when the boss is not in sight
Hides the biggest rumpsteak in between & seals it tight
Filet Mignon at Stingray’s flat that night.
I’m laughing. Etc…
Well I moved along to other things as young men have to do
and I never saw old Sting again, but I’m sure he made it through
at the butcher’s shop down Nookumburra way
Now there’s lots of blokes with sailing boats and stock portfolios
and its safe to say that old Stingray’d never end up one of those
and I reckon that’d be just fine with him, cos he’d say
‘I’m laughin’’ etc…
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2. |
Coral Island Queen
05:31
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Hi there Sweetheart, how is everything with you,
I’m so sorry you’re not with me, on this Pacific island cruise
We play six till eight this evening, and then I think we’ve three nights off
ah it’s great to be back working, on the Coral Island Queen
We’ve got six exotic restaurants, a sauna and a spa
And they have Pimm’s & lime on tap there, at the poolside cocktail bar
and I’ve tried every day for weeks now, but I still can’t find the gym
I’ll have another look tomorrow, on the Coral Island Queen
We bought pastries in Noumea
down on Anse Vata Beach
washed them down with icy French Rose
we had escargots and lobster
on the Isle of Pines, not sure if I
can stand another chocolate creme brûlée
Shame I had to leave so early, I meant to change the tyre on your car
And to fix that leaky ceiling, hope it hasn’t rained too hard
We’re just stuck here in Tahiti - they forecast three more perfect days
Yes it’s great to be back working….on the Coral Island Queen
She sings:
Hi there sweetheart, it’s so great to get your news
I’m so sorry I’m not with you, on that Pacific island Cruise
It’s been raining cats and dogs here, and got down to minus two
So glad you’re nice and warm there, on the Coral Island Queen
So the heat pump isn’t working, and the washer’s carked it too
there’s a leak up in the ceiling, just above the fuse box too
but I don’t want you to worry - just relax and get some sun
cos I know how hard you’re working, on the Coral Island Queen
Alexander’s been in trouble, he was in a fight at school
so I’ve got to see the principal today
then later on I’ll check that I’ve
amassed sufficient tranquillising
substances to make it through the day
So someone stole our mailbox, and I think the cat’s got fleas
the rope broke on the mower, and the lawn’s up round our knees
but all of that can wait, Dear, just relax and have some fun
I know you’re working hard Dear, on the Coral island Queen
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3. |
Alfonso
02:51
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Alfonzo be a darling if you can find time today
repaint the lines on the tennis court and blow the leaves away
Put out the balls and rackets, and wind the net up tight
I’ve got the ladies from the bridge club round for drinks at six tonight
Oh no we don’t play tennis, why, you dgave me such a fright
but one does like to cultivate the impression that one might.
Alfonzo be a sweetheart, will you clean the swimming pool?
in the Summer House you’ll find a hose and a little sucky tool
and maybe spread some towels around though we’ve never used one yet
Well they’re Egyptian cotton dear, we do try not to get them wet
oh no we don’t go swimming, why, I’m not sure that I could
but one does like to cultivate the impression that one would.
Alfonzo be a treasure if you’re not run off your feet
perhaps a coat of varnish on the outside dining suite
and maybe stack some firewood by the pizza oven too
Yes I know we never use it, but it should look as if we do.
No, we never dine alfresco, there are ants and things that buzz
but one does like to cultivate the impression that one does.
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4. |
Palace of Dreams
02:44
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Building a bar or a boundary fence,
You’re understandably reluctant to incur the expense
of taking on a trady with a good reference
Though he’s got the proper tools and lots of experience
So maybe you decide you’re gonna do it yourself
Take the rusty Black & Decker down from offa the shelf
You’ll find the very acme of advisory teams
Awaiting at the Palace of Dreams
Palace of Dreams, Palace of Dreams
In a small town people often go to extremes
To help you out with something that you never done before
same day delivery, and right to your door
Palace of Dreams, Palace of Dreams
Enlightening conversations on constructional themes
now doing it yourself is not as as hard as it seems
down at the Palace of Dreams.
For tools and timber
Down at the POD
For home and hardware
Down at the POD
From removal and replacement of your structural beams,
To your authentic model replicas of Roman quinquiremes
They’ll sort you out…at the POD
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5. |
Emily Bay
03:51
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Johnny was a wild one, got sent down
seven years hard in Sydney Town
Tura-lura-lura-luraly-ay
Elizabeth cried on the dock , says he:
'You're a good girl, Lizzie, don't you wait for me'
Tura-lura-lura-luraly-ay
Johnny was a thief, he was quicker than some
got caught with a bottle of the captain's rum
blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
Judge said ‘Well I can turn a hard man around;
you can do your time out in Kingston Town’
Tura-lura-lura-luraly-ay
Johnny said 'well you can cut a chain for me,
but I'll curse your eyes till the day that I'm free’
Tura-lura-lura-luraly-ay
Johnny took a hundred till the blood ran black
and the chaplain said 'That's a dead man's back'
blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
Jackie said 'Now Brother come along with me,
gonna kill me a copper been a worryin' me
Tura-lura-lura-luraly-ay
Johnny said 'well Jack I been a thinkin' just the same
and they got three more before the soldiers came
Tura-lura-lura-luraly-ay
The Commandant said 'You're gonna hang this morn,
England's sorry that you ever been born’
blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
Johnny was a wild one, got sent down
he never did a year in Kingston Town
Tura-lura-lura-luraly-ay
Elizabeth cried on the day she read
He was thrown in a hole, not a prayer was said
Tura-lura-lura-luraly-ay
And on the Murderers' Mound you can hear his plea:
'You're a good girl Lizzie don't you wait for me'
blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
and the blood runs down to the sand on Emily Bay
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6. |
No Ordinary Sheila
02:02
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Ain’t it pretty, ain’t it grand, expectations all be damned…no ordinary Sheila
no compliance, no complaint, no regrets & no restraint, no ordinary Sheila
socialite or movie star, a princess or a Queen
either way she wouldn’t wanna be ya
High-falutin’, nosiree, she is just content to be….no ordinary Sheila.
She's a gal who shuns a car, rides her bike both near and far - no ordinary Sheila
Constellations in her sights, scanning skies on inky nights - no ordinary Sheila
in her little bumbleboat, she sails across the Bay
In Cook Strait the weather needs a keeler
Says she's off around Cape Horn, Sunday at the crack of dawn - no ordinary Sheila.
Husband Gilbert at her side, tramping, climbing far and wide - No ordinary Sheila
Shunning folk who cause offence - silly fights and arguments - No ordinary Sheila
Oligarchs and misanthropes, scoundrels, rogues and knaves
Anxious people searching for a healer,
Out with toxic strain and stress, and you can be like - can you guess?
No Ordinary Sheila!!
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7. |
Wallpaper
06:33
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Don't mind us, we'll just set up in the back -
you can go about your business and forget we're here.
All we need is a corner, and a regular supply of beer.
Don't mind us, we specialise in generating very little interest, and minimal applause
absolutely positively guaranteed professional bores.
We keep the melody simple so that nobody needs to concentrate, though every now and then one of us might nod off.
Occasionally we need to get a little more complicated just in case there's somebody listening and we need to show off, we're just
Wallpaper, blend right into the furniture
Wallpaper, you can stick us up with beer
plastered in the background, you'd hardly even know we're here.
We always play some Gershwin whether it's Summertime or not,
we're happy to play Cole Porter Night and Day
descending notes so arty for the Lennon and McCartney
a little bit of Sinatra if it's not My Way, we're
Wallpaper etc
So don't mind us, just sweep us up with the empties
another bottle of Chardon or perhaps Marquee Vue
Maybe see you later if we play an elevator near you.
We keep away from modern jazz and never play the blues
being ignored is fine if we've a steady supply of booze, we're
Wallpaper....etc
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8. |
Sweet As
02:42
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Sweet, sweet as
I’m gonna make a living outta Jazz
I bought some shades and a little hat and I’ve started calling everybody ‘Cat’, I’m sweet, sweet as
oops, my bad
shoulda said I don’t play anything trad
They say I sound a lot like Bird but I play more notes from what I’ve heard I’m sweet, sweet as
My style is pretty random it’s post-modern retro cool
what everyone calls avant-garde I tell them is old-school
I don‘t go much on melody and harmony’s a bore
don’t bother tryin’ to tap your foot
it’s all in seven-four
but it’s sweet, sweet as
gonna make a living outta jazz
so I smoke a pipe and drink Pernod, and tell ‘em I’m waiting for Godot, I’m sweet, sweet as
So chill, relax
or better still, chillax!
I’ll take you out on a sonic cruise, you’ll dig my cool thirteen-bar blues, it’s sweet, sweet as
I’m happening, I’m in the loop, I’m hip, I’m de rigeur
in my Che Guevara T-shirt and my Cuba St hauteur
I’m careful where I’m seen it’s got to have my kind of class
so I hang out at the Lido, order water by the glass
I’m sweet, sweet as
gonna make a living outta jazz
so far this year I haven’t made a cent, but hey that’s ok, Mum pays the rent, I’m sweet, sweet as
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9. |
Poddy Understands Me
03:28
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Often life is easy things just fall right into place
Other times you can’t help feel you’re not up with the pace
We all have those moments, yes I’ve had them too,
But I got myself an Ipod
Now I don’t feel quite so blue - ‘cos
Poddy understands me…he knows me really well
He always aims to please, with me he never disagrees, at least as far as I can tell;
He’s just a little fellow, but his heart is really big
and when I need to interface, or find a little space, I know that Poddy still has twenty-seven gig.
Poddy understands me…he’d never do me wrong;
His little screen lights up & asks me whom I’d like to listen to and what’s my favourite song;
I take him on a picnic, and I take him on the train
and every night at 10 I tuck him into bed that’s when he likes to charge his little battery up again,
I just want to acknowledge, he’s the best bit of technology
that ever was invented in this world;
He’s like a little person, and for better or for worse-n
I will always keep his earplug cord uncurled…
Poddy understands me…he goes the extra mile;
He always looks so happy when I turn him on, last night I swear I even saw him smile;
you say he’s just an object - just a fashionable thing
but I’ve not had such compliance, from another new electrical appliance
I fear he has my heart upon a string
Poddy understands me, I guess by now you’ve heard
we sing away the days, I never cease to be amazed how he remembers all the words
He loves to go out driving, he never gets enough
I’ve a thing to put him in so he can look out of the window
at the cars and trees and animals and stuff
So that’s the way things are now, he’s a member of my whanau*
and I couldn’t do without him if I tried
and sometimes when I’m sleeping, if I hear his little beeping I get up and turn him over on his side…
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10. |
Middle Aged Man in Lycra
02:56
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when temorary insanity or mid-life crisis bites
or an unrequited craving for attention
When lust for an adventure, an escape from daily life
begins to get my gluteus a-clenchin’
It’s down to my back shed I go, start oiling up the chain
my passed use-by testosterone begins to stir again,
Preparing to indulge the ‘Love That Dare Not Squeak it’s Name’
I’m a Middle Aged Man in Lycra
I’m a middle aged man in lycra
parading my anatomy in hi-vis technicolored glee
That reassuring clinging keeps me confident while singing
I’m a middle aged man in lycra
I’m a middle aged man in lycra
winding country roads are best, we like to ride them three abreast
that reassuring clinging keeps me confident while singing
I’m a middle aged man in lycra
I had to sell my Porsche for the deposit on my bike
Applied for all the credit cards and maxed ‘em
I get my silhouette’s not yet as streamlined as I’d like
at least my legs are wind-resistant, since I waxed ‘em.
so when you see me riding, though I may present a sight
not unlike a saveloy that’s stuffed a little tight
at the lights let me go first, but keep your distance, lest I burst
I’m a Middle Aged Man in Lycra
I’m a middle aged man in lycra
accentuate those bumps and swells, keep out the rain, keep in the smells
that reassuring clinging keeps me confident while singing
I’m a middle aged man in lycra
I’m a middle aged man in lycra
parading my anatomy in hi-vis technicolour glee
that outer skin compresses my mamilian excesses
I’m a MAMIL
that reassuring clinging keeps the dangly bits from swinging
I’m a middle aged man,
I shoulda bought a van, I’m a middle aged man… in lycra
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11. |
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Now I know that it's important for the status one can get
to drive a motor vehicle that gives an accurate reflection of the rung that one inhabits on the ladder of success
A badge of one's accomplishment no less
And every model citizen should naturally aspire
to own the biggest SUV that one can possibly acquire
in order that one's family can ride around much higher
than the commoners and peasants on the street
I know they chew a lot of gas but apathy's the middle classes'
stock response to inconvenient facts
And even though they tend to roll there's usually a passing prole
glad to break your fall and stop the paintwork getting scratched
But I'm a man of modest means I can't afford the big machines
the ones that rove and cruise across the land, and
I could be as happy as a strawberry in a pav
If I could only have a Rav
A Rav is not so ostentatious which, although disadvantageous
when one is intent on demonstrating one's contempt
for those who obviously haven't tried as hard as p'raps they ought,
it does display one's status and importance
And if I fit a ski rack and some bull bars on the grill
pretend I'm on Safari charging out across the Veldt
amongst the hedges and the cul-de-sacs of Wadestown after dark
The Indiana Jones of Churton Park.
I doubt that I'll, it must be said, be driving up a river bed
pursuing wildebeest or wild bighorn
the closest it will ever go to crashing through the undergrowth
is when the weather's sunny and I park it on the lawn.
So though I'll soon or later need an equipment compensator
for now I think I'll stick within my rut, but
I could be as happy as a toothpick in a sav
If I could only have a Rav.
If I could only have a Rav.
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12. |
Appliances
03:12
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It’s not always easy getting on with married life
I know that you’ll agree if you’ve a husband or a wife
you need a hobby or activity, that you can do together as a team
Last year we tried philosophy but it made us argue more
then we both went cycling till some bits of mine got sore
It took a while for us to both concur, on something that fulfils both me and her
We buy appliances, it doesn’t matter what they do
We buy appliances, don’t knock it, it may work for you
We buy appliances, they’re so shiny when they’re new
We buy appliances.
appliances to brush out teeth, appliances to cut our meat
appliances to soak our feet, appliances just can’t be beat
appliances to dry our hair and suck the water from the air
We buy appliances
We found we were both dreaming of a trip to Harvey Leeming
Let L. V. Martin put it right whenever we have had a fight
for married bliss we need no magic wand,
they’ve got everything we need at Bond & Bond
So while some folks might go camping, other couples like to dance
or watch those arty movies all about things they only do in France
we just take a trip down to the mall
for something we can plug into the wall
We buy appliances, it doesn’t matter what they do
We buy appliances, don’t knock it, it may work for you
We buy appliances, we’ve collected quite a few
We buy appliances.
appliances to brush out teeth, appliances to cut our meat
appliances to soak our feet, appliances just can’t be beat
appliances to warm our towels, appliances to shave our jowls
appliances to roast our fowls, appliances for boys and gals
appliances to bake our bread, appliances to use in bed
appliances…..instead, in case I’m just not interested
appliances to dry our hair and suck the water from the air
We buy appliances
We buy appliances
We buy appliances.
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Andrew London New Zealand
New Zealand singer/songwriter of mainly (but not exclusively) satirical original songs in a mainly (but not exclusively) 1940s swing genre.
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