Get all 9 Andrew London releases available on Bandcamp and save 15%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Get Back To Work!, A Live Concert, Standard Deviations, Let's Take Offence!, So Many Tracks, Let's Have Friends Around For Dinner, Live at The Bent Horseshoe, Ladies a Plate, and 1 more.
1. |
I Think I'll Buy a Yacht
03:15
|
|||
I'm doing well, I'm doing real well
I'm talking oil well, real well, makin' pharmaceuticals,
global clientele are buying all I got to sell
doing really really really really really really really really well
I'm doing fine, like that's a crime
I’m makin' money in munitions, and a fortune outta gas
got a castle in Morocco and a factory in Madras
doing really really really really really really really really well
BR
I can buy a Maserati, I can buy a piece of Spain
I could sell all my Picassos, and buy them back again
I got a hundred million dollars gonna blow it in one shot
I meant to do it yesterday I just forgot
hey I think I'll buy a yacht.
a really really big yacht
think I’ll buy a really really really really really really really big yacht
3
I'm doing great, ah for goodness sake
stop going on about the poor, don't you shove 'em in my face
if they worked a little harder they could end up in my place
doing really really really really really really really really well
BR 2
I could maybe build a hospital in Kenya or Chad
eradicate malaria, or that other thing they had
I got a hundred million dollars gonna blow it in one shot
I meant to do it yesterday I just forgot
solo
I can buy a Maserati, I can buy a piece of Spain
I can sell all my Picassos, I can buy them back again
I got a hundred million bucks gonna blow it in one shot
I meant to do it yesterday but I forgot
hey I think I'll buy a yacht.
a really really big yacht
a really really really really really really really big yacht
some sort of cloaking device so if I want to I can hide it
how bout a little docking bay, I'll stick another yacht inside it!
how bout those endangered species, god I love ‘em all
let’s skin a hundred stingrays & put ‘em on the wall
|
||||
2. |
Three Little Words
04:25
|
|||
There is nothing I'll avoid, from Janet Frame to Sigmund Freud, from Alistair Maclean to Aristotle, but
When I read there are three little words guaranteed, to send me in search of a bottle:
Well it's not that I'm scared of commitment
or prone to emotional stress
It's not that I'm lazy or backward, my psychological state is no worse that the rest
Cos I've had lots of counselling sessions
done Tai Chi and Yoga and Zen
I've adopted techniques from pre-Socratic Greeks and I've done Tantric sex that just drags on for weeks
and I've seen maharishis and mystics
with psychics and sikhs I've conspired
but there's no relief I still shake like a leaf despite all the skills I've acquired
when I hear those three little words: some assembly required.
I'm not really sure where it started
this phobia complex and dire
some trauma begat this condition, was it that crystal radio set or the Airfix Spitfire?
Bar-B-Qs, trampolines and wheelbarrows; the construction of all I abhor
I finish triumphant then to my discomfort there's a big pile of leftover parts on the floor
Well of course it's the fault of my father, from whom no handyman skills were acquired
though my penchant for words was enhanced when I heard how his language became so inspired, confronted by three little words: some assembly required.
So bring out the toolbox, bring out the gin and prepare the Elastoplast bandaids
Send the children away for the rest of the day, leave Daddy alone it's just safer that way
It was that kitset TV cabinet did it, it just stood there askew and forlorn
with it's doors upside down and it's corners all chipped
and the hole in the side where my screwdriver slipped
I've a temperament mild and good-natured
for which I'm quite rightly admired
but to flatpack that munchkin who translates instructions is something that I've long desired
and to Hell with those three little words: some assembly,bly required.
|
||||
3. |
I Hugged My Mate
03:14
|
|||
Well I'm a Kiwi through and through
Im an All Black follower just like you
and I grew up watching Pinetree on TV
He'd score a try between the posts
and trot on back with the other blokes
with no display of joyfulness or glee
and I was brought up similarly
we don't emote spontaneously
and we try to avoid displaying affection publicly
but something happened the other night
that I'd like to share with the group tonight
that signifies a strange anomaly
2.
I was having a beer with a mate, you see
or a shandy it might have been actually
and he told me things were grim as they could be
He'd lost his job at the florist's shop
and got pulled over by a traffic cop
who booked him on the spot for DIC
and his wife had run off with his kids
and shacked up with a friend of his
who was consequently behaving quite aloof and rather smug
well I don't know what came over me
but just as we got up to leave
well bugger me, I gave my mate a hug.
CH
You hugged a mate? I hugged a mate
You hugged a mate! I hugged a mate
By the time I realised what I'd done, it was just a bit too late
He was big and he was hairy, and he was understandably wary
and it was scary, but I hugged my mate
3.
'What's that for?' he said to me
and I mumbled about solidarity
and being there for your mates when times get tough
so he wandered off and I fretted a bit
but he seemed to soon get over it
and things got back to normal soon enough
but I was down the pub just after that
having a Pimms with another chap
on a Thursday when they do that excellent dill and salmon quiche
well he seemed distracted as we dined
so I said "What's on your mind?'
he said he'd heard I'd hugged my mate, and what was it like?
4.
well I said at first it was rather strange
and we both felt awkward at this rearrangement
of the traditional way that kiwi blokes behave
but I said that a moment of intimacy
had been enjoyed by my mate and me
and it might have been even nicer actually, had he shaved
and I said I thought we should be allowed
to show affection, even in a crowd
and not be afraid to let it out so everyone can tell
well he looked confused and a little sad
and told me how he missed his Dad
well stone the crows I hugged this bloke as well
CH
5.
so we've all gotten used to it now
we seldom fret any more about how
we show affection indiscriminately
and we get together, put the World to rights
on our weekly Downton Abbey nights
in the spa pool with a tall banana daiquiri
and as Dave and I drove home last week
from the ballet, I began to speak
about how sensitive and caring we Renaissance chaps can be
and he agreed we certainly had progressed
said he rather liked the way I dressed
changed gear, and put his hand back on my knee
|
||||
4. |
No Moon at All
03:31
|
|||
5. |
Heaven For The Climate
03:26
|
|||
You'd go to Heaven for the climate but to Hell for company
you'll sacrifice some comfort for conviviality; consider
well with whom you'd want to while away Eternity
You'd go to Heaven for the climate but you'd go to hell to find good company
Vs
Well as his days get shorter and a man begins to muse
on where he's liable to end up once all his days are used
The leafy glades of Paradise would seem to have allure
notwithstanding infestation by the terminally pure
And if all that's left's bereft of scintillating company
that would make forever seem like an eternity
and if Hell's rather warmish and the air's a little close,
you'd want distracting conversation while you toast
CH
There's be Nietzsche there to greet ya, still insisting God is dead
to all the demons sent with orders to torment him
and over there his friend Voltaire, who says if that's the case
it is therefore necessary to invent him
When he said' Faith is being convinced that what you don't believe is true,
Mark Twain ensured that Heaven's blessings passed him by
John Lennon, damned again, and thinking twice about his view,
that to imagine there is no such place , is easy if you try
|
||||
6. |
The One Who No-one Knows
04:09
|
|||
7. |
You Won't See Me
03:00
|
|||
8. |
||||
My palms are getting sweaty and my mouth is getting dry
I'm starting to hallucinate and spin
I gotta find find a laptop or an ipad or a phone
so I can get some social internetwork in
took a picture of my breakfast and posted it online
with some total stranger's iphone on the table next to mine
yeah it seems a little creepy now but I'm sure he would agree
cos it's unlikely he's as interesting as me
Like me, like me, be my friend, and read me every day
I know you hang on every word I have to say
share me, share me, share me with your friends cos they'll agree,
There's nobody quite as interesting as me
I'm desperate to post it's been an hour or maybe two
my friends will be beside themselves, they won't know what to do
they might forget I'm here, Oh God I can't be having that
so here's another picture of my fluffy pussy cat
here's some insipid saccharine saying from the Dalai Llama's book
that you may not find uplifting, but it serves to make me look
as if I'm centred and serene, in an enlightened sort of way
I'm spreading blessedness and wisdom here today
so who's your favourite movie star, and what's your favourite song? no wait, don't bother I’ll just tell you mine instead
then you can just agree with me, and comment if you like
but be sure you don't go crapping on my thread
I'm way too busy to be social , don't come knocking at my door
no point in calling on the phone, don't think I own one any more
and I never answer email, that would be so 'yesterday'
I'm on Facebook, each and all of every day
|
||||
9. |
Country's Buggered
02:49
|
|||
Bloody hippies, bloody Greens
Bloody tofu , bloody beans
bloody dreadlocks, bloody Beards
bloody cyclists, bloody weird
back in my day, folks had more sense
country’s buggered - no offence
bloody Greenpeace saving snails
or bloody useless fat lazy whales
bloody yoghurt , non-bloody fat
bloody couscous, what the bloody hell is that?
back in my day, folks had more sense
country’s buggered - no offence
BR
bloody townies, bloody queers
bloody poncy bloody boutique beers
bloody pubs banning bloody smokes
bloody blokes allowed to go marrying bloody blokes
bloody leftie, carry-on
bloody whingeing bloody poms
bloody Banksie's, bloody gone
bloody Kim dot bloody Com
bank in my day, folks had more sense
country’s buggered - no offence
BR
Bloody twerking, bloody rap
bloody backward baseball cap
bloody youth, out there tagging walls
bloody anti bloody smacking bloody laws
bank in my day, folks had more sense
country’s buggered - no offence
Bloody immigrants, bloody terrorists
bloody slimy televangelists
bloody chardonnay socialists
bloody hairy, bloody goddamn feminists
bank in my day, folks had more sense
country’s buggered - no offence
|
||||
10. |
Exactly Like You
02:12
|
|||
11. |
Ladies a Plate
03:21
|
|||
Ladies a plate, you've got a date with me, Saturday night at the hall
We’ll dance near the bandstand and ask them for more,
won’t even stop while they powder the floor
Ladies a plate, you’ve got a date with me Saturday night at the hall
I’ll come round at seven, you’ll be dressed by then,
got Brylcream all over my collar again
you do your hair while I chat with your Dad
You look so pretty and I don’t look too bad
We’ll take my old Prefect, if you don’t mind the noise
There’s a flagon of Brown in the back for the boys
Our friends will all be there, I just heard today
We’ll dance the whole night away
We’ll chance the Maxina ,we’ll chacha and jive
We’ll quickstep and foxtrot and waltz
When we do the Gay Gordon my mind’s in a whirl
cos those other guys all get to dance with my girl
And when supper is over we’ll kick off our shoes
cos the band will start rockin’ them Summertime Blues
But the last waltz is mine , you’ll say soft in my ear
“It’s the loveliest night of the year “
|
Andrew London New Zealand
New Zealand singer/songwriter of mainly (but not exclusively) satirical original songs in a mainly (but not exclusively) 1940s swing genre.
Streaming and Download help
If you like Ladies a Plate, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp