Get all 9 Andrew London releases available on Bandcamp and save 15%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Get Back To Work!, A Live Concert, Standard Deviations, Let's Take Offence!, So Many Tracks, Let's Have Friends Around For Dinner, Live at The Bent Horseshoe, Ladies a Plate, and 1 more.
1. |
Coral Island Queen
03:50
|
|||
|
Hi there Sweetheart, hoping all is well with you,
I’m so sorry you’re not with me, on this Pacific island cruise
We play six till eight this evening, and then I think we’ve three nights off
ah but it’s great to be back working, on the Coral Island Queen
There are six exotic restaurants, a sauna and a spa
they have Pimms & lime on tap there, at the poolside cocktail bar
and I’ve tried every day for weeks now, but I still can’t find the gym
I’ll have another look tomorrow, on the Coral Island Queen
we bought pastries in Noumea, down on Anse Vata Beach
washed it down with icy French Rose
we had escargots and lobster on the Isle of Pines, don’t know if I
can stand another chocolate creme brûlée
Guess I’ll go ashore tomorrow, another Island paradise no doubt
take the sun screen and my swimmers, read a book and lie about
beneath a slowly swaying palm tree, how I miss my office desk
feels good to be back working….on the Coral Island Queen
|
||||
2. |
Let's Take Offence!
02:48
|
|||
|
I’ve had to bid the Good Keen Man adieu
I’ve been politically corrected by the cultural milieu
Got my finger on the pulse, and to the zeitgeist I am hip
a serious renaissance man cannot afford a slip
So I’ve adopted the philosophy du jour
we’ve been far too easy going and pathetically demure
can we all become aware, we need to be less laissez-faire
and learn to spot an insult, when it isn’t even there
Let’s take offence, let’s get uptight and intense, let’s take offence
let hostilities commence
let’s take umbrage and exception
take a slight and take objection
let’s abandon commonsense and take offence
Let’s take offence, misinterpret compliments and take offence
let’s start seeking recompense
let’s get upset and get upended, let’s get down and get offended
the return could be immense. let’s take offence.
There’ll be no end to what we can achieve,
by acting all insulted and acceptably aggrieved
it’s lately been reported that the system can be rorted
if your underwear’s contorted and you’re satisfactorily peeved
let’s work ourselves into a frightful tiz
cos there are government departments dedicated to the business
of protracted litigation and self-righteous indignation
I can’t wait to get offended and start sending invoices
just getting miffed would be a pity, let’s get really good and shitty
let’s get down from off the fence,
get uptight and intense
let’s abandon commonsense and let’s take offence
|
||||
3. |
||||
|
I Mowed The Lawn on Christmas Eve, though it really didn’t need it
it’s just a thing my father did at Christmas
and no-one ever saw it, cos we always went to Grandma’s
it's just he liked to get it done for Christmas
We’d have tea and toast around the tree
and wait for Mum to finally come
while you & I would argue bout
whose turn it was to hand out presents
and the smell of artificial snow can take me back
to 10 years old, when we were all together at Christmas
I Mowed The Lawn on Christmas Eve, though it really didn’t need it
it’s just a thing my father did at Christmas
and that year I did it for him, cos he’d been a little out of breath
and Mum had told me that he shouldn’t overdo it
and my head was thumping from the wine
I’d drunk the night before, my band had
played a blinder guess it must have
been the year before I married
and the smell of freshly-mown grass reminds me that was p’raps the last
time we were all together ...at Christmas
I Mowed The Lawn on Christmas Eve, though it really didn’t need it
it’s just a thing my father did at Christmas
Our daughter’s in Australia, and our son is with his inlaws
we seldom see them now, at Christmas
but we bought a tree and put it up
in a bucket wrapped in Christmas paper
hung some lights and coloured balls
and sprayed it all with snow
and we sat outside & drank champagne
though we really didn’t need it,
it’s just a thing my father did at Christmas
|
||||
4. |
'Deed I Do
02:20
|
|||
5. |
Poddy Understands Me
03:24
|
|||
|
Often life is easy things just fall right into place
Other times you can’t help feel you’re not up with the pace
We all have those moments, yes I’ve had them too
But I got myself an Ipod
Now I don’t feel quite so blue
1.
Poddy Understands me, he knows me really well
He always aims to please, with me he never disagrees at least as far as I can tell
He’s just a little fellow, but his heart is really big
and when I need to interface, or find a little space, I know that Poddy still has twenty-seven gig
2.
Poddy Understanfs Me, He’d never do me wrong
His little screen lights up & asks me whom I’d like to listen to and what’s my favourite song
I take him on a picnic, and I take him on the train
and every night at 10 I tuck him into bed that’s when he likes to charge his little battery up again
BR
I just want to acknowledge, he’s the best bit of technology
that ever was invented in this world
He’s like a little person, and for better or for worsen
I will always keep his earplug cord uncurled
3.
Poddy understands me, he goes the extra mile
he always looks so happy when I turn him on, last night I swear I even saw him smile
you say he’s just an object - just a fashionable thing
but I’ve not had such compliance, from another new electrical appliance
I fear he has my heart upon a string
BRIDGE 2
So that’s the way things are now, he’s a member of my whanau
and I couldn’t do without him if I tried
and sometimes when I’m sleeping, if I hear his little beeping I get up and turn him over on his side
Poddy understands me
Poddy understands me
Poddy understands me
|
||||
6. |
||||
|
I’m bored - let’s go out. Let’s put ourselves about - I’m tired of the usual
round
We’ve been seen in all the cafes, well at least the ones in vogue
and set the bar for boorish bad behaviour, by intellectual bogans so
I need -something new - something new and fun to do -
my sense of self-importance needs a boost
we’ll come right out and insult cha’ while we vandalise ya culture
let’s go out to a concert and talk.
3/4
Let’s go out to a concert and talk,
the band won’t complain, just as long as we’re payin’
and the peasants can jump up and down and exclaim
hey why don’t you go take a walk?
we can giggle and snort like the Duchess of York
Let’s go out to a concert and talk
and, be great, to be fashionably late
we can move chairs around, let them scrape on the ground
let coins fall from pockets, watch eyes roll in sockets,
let mass indignation abound;
if one and one’s date can make everyone wait,
hey great to be fashionably late
Let’s go out to a movie and chat
be sociable neighbours and make some new friends
we can offer them popcorn, let slip how it ends, take the
front row and wear a tall hat….
….have a jolly good natter about this and that,
Let’s go out to a movie and chat.
Bring the wine, pop the cork, watch them stutter and squawk,
let’s go out ….to a concert and talk
|
||||
7. |
Stingray
03:59
|
|||
|
when I was just a young man in my prime, I plied the butcher’s trade
in a shop near Nookumburra, with a guy called Ronnie Ray
But everyone who knew him called him Sting
2
Stingray’d been a butcher 30 years or more by then
and accumulated nothing much, ‘least nothin’ that could pin
him down, but to hear him laugh, you’d think he was born a king
BR
He said he’d never settled down, he never had a spouse
he lived alone in a little flat, at the back of a lady’s house
and once a week they’d share a matinee
4
and he said that with a sideways wink and then went on to say
how the Nookumburra pub was only a hundred yards away
as if they’d built it down there just for him… he’d say
CH
I’m laughin’ mate, I’m bloody laughing
I got six white shirts and a set of knives
in me little flat, and as far as lives
go buddy I reckon I’m holdin’ all the bids
I’m tellin’ ya boys, I wouldn’t be dead for quids
He’d work a longer shift than me, so he’d only do four days
out of a week where the rest of us’d do five to earn our pay
I’m a gentleman of leisure, he would say.
and you know we got no favours, as butchers in those days
offcuts for our dogs, the only perks that came our way
I’ll show you boys a trick, says old Stingray
BR
and he’d take his bag of dogchops, when the boss was not in sight
hide the biggest rumpsteak in between & seal it tight
Filet Mignon at Stingray’s flat that night.
CH
I moved along to other things as young men have to do
and I never saw old Sting again, but I’m sure he made it through
at the butcher’s shop down Nookumburra way
and there are lots of blokes with sailing boats and stock portfolios
and its safe to say that old Stingray’d never end up one of those
But I never met a richer man than him, he’d say
CH
‘I’m laughin’’, Boys I’m bloody laughin’….
|
||||
8. |
No Ordinary Sheila
02:23
|
|||
|
Ain’t it pretty, ain’t it grand, expectations all be damned…no ordinary
sheila
no compliance, no complaint, no regrets & no restraint, No ordinary
Sheila
socialite or movie star, a princess or a Queen
either way she wouldn’t wanna be ya
High falutin’, nosiree, she is just content to be….no ordinary sheila.
2.
She's a gal who shuns a car, rides her bike both near and far - no ordinary Sheila
Constellations in her sights, scanning skies on inky nights - no Ordinary Sheila
in her little Bumbleboat, she sails across the Bay
In Cook Strait the weather needs a Keeler
Sez she's off around Cape Horn, Sunday at the crack of dawn - no ordinary Sheila.
3.
Husband Gilbert at her side, tramping, climbing far and wide - No ordinary Sheila
Shunning folk who cause offence - silly fights and arguments - No ordinary Sheila
Oligarchs and misanthropes, scoundrels ,rogues and knaves
Anxious people searching for a Healer,
out with toxic strain and stress, and you can be like - can you guess!! - No Ordinary Sheila!!
|
||||
9. |
||||
10. |
Middle Aged Man in Lycra
02:35
|
|||
|
when temor’y insanity or mid-life crisis bites
or an unrequited craving for attention
when lust for an adventure, an escape from daily life
begins to get my gluteus a-clenchin’
It’s down to my back shed I go, start oiling up the chain
my ‘passed use-by’ testosterone begins to stir again
preparing to indulge the ‘Love That Dare Not Squeak it’s Name’
I’m a Middle Aged Man in Lycra
I’m a middle aged man in lycra
parading my anatomy in hi-vis technicolor glee
That reassuring clinging keeps me confident while singing
I’m a middle aged man in lycra
I’m a middle aged man in lycra
winding country roads are best, we like to ride them three abreast
that reassuring clinging keeps me confident while singing
I’m a middle aged man in lycra
I had to sell my Porsche, for the deposit on my bike
signed up for all the credit cards and maxed ‘em
I get my silhouette is not as streamlined as I’d like
at least my legs are wind-resistant, since I waxed ‘em.
so when you see me riding, though I may present a sight
not unlike a saveloy that’s stuffed a little tight
at the lights let me go first, and keep your distance, lest I burst
I’m a Middle Aged Man in Lycra
CH
I’m a middle aged man in lycra
accentuate those bumps and swells, keep out the rain, keep in the smells
that reassuring clinging keeps me confident while singing
I’m a middle aged man in lycra
solo
I’m a middle aged man in lycra
parading my anatomy in hi-vis technicolour glee
that outer skin compresses, my mammilian excesses
I’m a MAMIL
that reassuring clinging keeps those dangly bits from swinging
I’m a middle aged man,
I shoulda bought a van, I’m a middle aged man… in lycra
|
||||
11. |
If You'd Be So Kind
03:48
|
|||
|
If you’d be so kind, just let me out at the corner and I’ll
Walk home through the park, It’s only raining lightly
No no I’ll be fine......please, If you’d be so kind
No, I don’t mind, it’s not as if we’d gone too far
it’s only been a weekend, and it all seems like a dream now
Look the rain is stopping so please ....if you’d be so kind
I was so surprised when you walked into the party
you never seem to change at all
I should have been more careful but , you know how it is
sometimes when you don’t think straight, you can find that it’s way too late....
So if you’d be so kind, let’s keep this to ourselves
nobody needs to know, and I can find my way home
look the rain has stopped, please, if you’d be so kind...
|
||||
12. |
Time and Time Again
02:16
|
|||
|
I’m not one who falls so easily
why do I sigh, whenever you leave me
time and time again I’m fallin’ for you
Doctor says it’s quite incurable
lucky f’ me it’s delightfully endurable
time and time again I’m fallin’ for you
I toss and turn, can’t sleep at night
I don’t know where I am
when you call I always fall right
there on the phone, I’m so accident prone
All my friends say I’m deplorable
can’t see why I find you adorable
time and time again I’m fallin’ for you
|
||||
13. |
That's Karori
04:15
|
|||
|
In Real Estate, around welling-
ton, agents meet, and start to sing.....
Well Khandallah is nice but you'll pay half the price in Karori
cos there's only one bus route that goes in and out of Karori
if you wanna drive, wait till after 5.00, then you can arrive without too much expletin’
If you wanna jog, way up in the fog, look out for the log someone’s dog’s been excretin’
and though Island Bay’s grand, it’s topography’s bland after Brooklyn
where the hilly terrain would have sherpas complain of the climb
if you claw up its flanks without oxygen tanks you’ll be sorry
Pardon me can’t you see you’ll be longing to be in Karori
Well though Seatoun is gay it’s much further away than Hataitai
In the tunnel we toot just for fun all en route to Hataitai
you can ride a bike anywhere you like, even take a hike with a picnic and vino
you can take a stroll, buy a sausage roll, latte in a bowl, or a soy cappucino
Well the parking is free, cos you’re down by the sea in Petone
when the southerly blows and you can’t see your nose through the rain
though it’s nice on the sand, you will freeze where you stand if it’s pouring
pardon me but you see you’ll be longing to be in Karori
and we love Berhampore, but it is such a bore after Newtown
if your partner is keen on exotic cuisine, go to Newtown
you could get a quick, doner on a stick, possibly a mixed or a chicken iskender
vindaloo & rice, can be very nice, never mind the price, if you’re out on a bender
yes we love Wellington and we’d welcome you into Karori
we’re the suburb of choice for the few hoi pollois who do well.....
we vote Grant Robertson, still we might let you in if you’re Tory
our respect can be bought if you keep your lawn short in Karori
|
||||
Andrew London New Zealand
New Zealand singer/songwriter of mainly (but not exclusively) satirical original songs in a mainly (but not exclusively) 1940s swing genre.
If you like Let's Take Offence!, you may also like:
Oud Vibrations: East Meets West With Ahmed Abdul Malik And Chick Ganimian
by Fingertips
featured on Bandcamp Radio Aug 9, 2016
go to album
The Room
by Fabiano do Nascimento & Sam Gendel
featured on Bandcamp Radio Nov 21, 2023
go to album
Arashi No Ato
by Mark Kavuma & The Banger Factory
Trumpeter and composer Mark Kavuma aims to bring jazz back to the dancefloor with this energetic collaboration with The Banger Factory.
go to album
Fearless Movement
by Kamasi Washington
featured on Bandcamp Radio Mar 12, 2024
go to album
Wise Eyes of the Elders
by T.K. Blue
T.K. Blue has assembled an all-star cast for this fiery trad jazz work out, the spotlight on his searing sax work.
go to album
Magic Moments
by Arkadia Jazz All-Stars
Four of Arkadia’s frequent collaborators are featured on this invigorating compilation album.
go to album
A stunning new record from the Arkestra that captures the spirit of the original lineup.
go to album
