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Beans on Toast

from Get Back To Work! by Andrew London

/

about

a culinary abomination

lyrics

1
When I’m camping or I’m tramping through the desert or the bush
Or just sitting in my office on my sedentary tush
I need a little pick-me-up, once the hunger pangs set in
I go looking for the toaster, and the Watties baked bean tin

2
Well there’s an ecumenical consensus now, it’s reckoned even that
Among the followers of Buddha, Jesus Christ and Mahomat
there’s unanimous agreement on the rules, concerning how they should be ate
And it’s customary to always find the toast between the baked beans and the plate

BR
Which is why I raised my eyebrows at a cafe I was in
Took a picture and put out a facebook post,
For I felt sure that I should share my indignation and chagrin at finding beans
(You won’t believe this), residing underneath my toast

CH
We call it ‘Beans on toast’ it says exactly what it means
It’s a universally accepted thing, you don’t get
Toast on peanut butter, toast on eggs or on sardines
The beans go on the top, I told the waiter- no one orders ‘toast on beans’

3.
’well…some do’ said this simpleton and sneered a little sneer
And it occurred to me to offer him a clip around the ear
As I pondered his preposterous proposition, plainly potty and perverse,
That any punter should prefer his beans on toast with the ingredients reversed

4.
‘‘Some?” I said…’Some? Who are these ‘some’ who could compose
this classic dish with its components incorrectly juxtaposed, why,
Not even an Austrailian could so ridicule the culinary arts;
And so callously corrupt the constitution of those core constituent parts

CH
We call it ‘Beans on toast’ it says exactly what it means
It’s a universally accepted thing, you don’t get
Toast on peanut butter, toast on eggs or on sardines
The beans go on the top, you pelican- there’s no such thing as ‘toast on beans’

5.
Well I pointed out the obvious, that it has to do with sauce
Which the beans are all mixed up in so it’s runny …der… of course
That’s why it it works so well, you unctuous prat, to lay the toast down first
For you’ll find that it’s an excellent absorbent once in baked bean sauce immersed

6.
And transposition can be tricky, if the toast is on the top
You have to shift the baked beans sideways and then attempt to slop
Them on the toast, this is inevitably messy, and you’ll find they get cold fast
And that’s why when it comes to serving beans on toast, you put the bloody things on last.

CH
We call it ‘beans on toast’ it says exactly what it means
It’s a universally accepted thing, you don’t have
Toast on peanut butter, toast on eggs or on sardines
The beans go on the top, you troglodite - there’s no such thing as ‘toast on beans’

credits

from Get Back To Work!, released June 1, 2021
Andrew London: guitar & vox
Kirsten London: bass

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Andrew London New Zealand

New Zealand singer/songwriter of mainly (but not exclusively) satirical original songs in a mainly (but not exclusively) 1940s swing genre.

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